A friend recently sent me a video that talked about anxiety. The message basically centered around the fact that right in the middle of anxiety is the letter I. When I feel anxiety, it usually comes from feeling inadequate. There’s A lot of “I can’t do this, I’m scared of what they will think , I’m sad , I’m feeling weak, etc .” I spent so much time worried about what I was creating.And it all stemmed from fear. I use to compare myself to everyone else, whether it was how I looked physically or what material items they had versus what I had. But there was also the anxiety I just couldn’t escape, as it was a result of PTSD and family history. So having to explain why I felt anxious to my family and friends and sometimes not being able to actually give an explanation as to why, created so much frustration. Having depression, anxiety, and being bipolar have changed the way I just exist in this world. It’s so easy for people to say “get over it, just think positive thoughts, it’ll eventually get better..etc” but the real battle is waking up everyday and going head on with yourself. It’s not something I do for attention, they’re just illnesses I have to learn to live with. The last 9 months of my life have been about working through all the trauma in my life, and In doing so, some of my symptoms got better. My anxiety isn’t an everyday thing because I’m learning to be kind to myself as my friend says.. instead of being frustrated or sad when I’m feeling anxious or depressed , I’ve chosen to write positive affirmations to myself in those moments . But I guess what I’m trying to say is, yes when clinically you are diagnosed with any of these it’s hard not to have the dark days but when these are brought on by relationships (friends, family, partners) or even work , we can learn to make it better. The weight of the world isn’t on our shoulders , we simply let it feel like it is. Although it had been hard for me to admit when I needed help , I had to make the change to put my pride aside and let someone help me. We are not responsible for everything that happens to us, nor can we control it, but we sure as hell can control how we deal with it.
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